Incubus
by Flutter-Pony
Summary: Will and Emma are torn apart by a nightmare. My attempt at a multi-chaptered fiction, reviews would be glorious.
1. Chapter 1

She smells like honey, wrapped up in his sheets. She's putty in his hands, only he knows how to touch her, hold her and make her laugh. She puts a clammy palm on his chest, enticing him. She asks him to get up, in that singsong voice, it's too hot in here, it's too dark.

The sunlight seared through the window, piercing his eyes and forcing Will into reality, alone, he swung his legs to the floor and silently cursed the dreams that continually taunted him.

The clock blinked 7.50. Damn it! He'd sworn to Shannon he'd meet her for a run at 7.30. But then, he'd promised her a lot of things over this past year. Last July he promised not to spend all summer moping in his apartment. In September he said he'd start dating again and in January he swore to her he'd stop leaving the room anytime someone mentioned her name.

"Schuester, I know you're in there", she boomed from behind the door. He looked at the floor feeling guilty. Shannon was a dependable rock he didn't deserve.

Shuffling to the door, he didn't bother to check his appearance; she'd already seen the worst of him.

"Sorry, I had a late night. Just let me get changed", he said unenthusiastically, inviting his friend inside.

"Actually, I just wanted to talk to you for a minute". She was always so concerned; with kind eyes and a warm voice that made him feel even more like a jerk.

"Beiste, I'm fine really. I just-"

"I got a call for Emma this morning. She's back."

Will stared back at her dumbly, feeling the color drain from his face.

"…How did she sound?" he croaked.

"She asked about you. Frankly, I didn't know what to tell her, I mean God Will, when was the last time you took a shower?" Shannon said dryly.

"It doesn't matter," he decided, as he was speaking, "tell her whatever you want I doubt she'll care". Will was defeated.

"I say it does matter. You two are going to be working together, starting next week, and unless you want to lose your job because you can't keep yourself together, you're going to have to at least have a civil conversation with her."

"She's coming back to McKinley?" his eyes widened. His friend nodded.

"Can I be completely honest with you Schue?" she asked, as if she hadn't spent the last 12 months telling him exactly what she thought. "I've never seen anyone look the way Emma did when she looked at you. Remember that blizzard a few years back?" he nodded and grimaced, knowing where the conversation was going and already playing out the memory in his head. "You slipped on the black ice and bashed your knee and we couldn't drive you to the hospital for all the snow".

"I remember, Emma patched me up with all those disinfectants and emergency patches she kept in her office…."

"Yeah, but did you know that she almost fainted because of all the blood and once she had to excuse herself because she was physically sick seeing all the dirt and slush you had all over you. She was crazy about you, and I know how you feel about her… don't try and deny it Schuester, it's written all over your sorry face".

"…I miss her so much" his voice was gravely in a moment of weakness. He'd done his best to forget her, never uttering her name out loud, never smiling at her photo that hung in the auditorium along with all the other smiling McKinley staff. But now she was back in his life it was going to take a whole new level of denial and avoidance and just the thought left him overwhelmed with exhaustion.

"I know" Shannon soothed, patting him firmly on the back twice. "Listen, there's a faculty meeting this afternoon that I'm sure you've forgotten about. Get cleaned up and I'll pick you up around 2" she smiled gently, "and call me if you need anything".

Then he was alone again. In the hallway where she would stand waiting for him when Glee Club ran late, with an apron on in bare feet, ready to hear about his day. She'd feed him clumsy spoonfuls of cookie dough until she laughed and kissed him and said that was enough, they had to save some for baking.

She'd let her hair grow a little longer in the six months they'd been dating, at last being more at ease with things that are messy and disordered. Late at night Will would twist his fingers through the soft curls and ask her endless questions about nothing and everything. Did she ever have an imaginary friend? Does she like rain or snow? Does she ever think about growing old and grey?

It started with a kick, just over a year ago. Her foot into his shin in the throws of sleep. She thrashed, fighting invisible daemons and when he grabbed her wrist to still her she opened her eyes, letting tears fall.

"Hey, it's just a dream" he whispered feeling drowsy and alert at the same time as she gasped for more air still. "…. Just a bad dream…" he kissed the top of her head.

"I couldn't breathe, I kept trying to call for you…"

"I'm here, it's okay".

It happened again, and this time she groaned and sobbed in her unconscious state. After the fourth time, she booked an appointment with Dr Shane, finding it hard to keep her eyes open. She was too nervous about starting therapy again to eat that day, moving the carrots on the table out of her sight.

"It's just one session, Em. You have to relax", he had said naively.

It was five sessions, and after each see would get in the car where he waited with red, puffy eyes.

"She thinks it might be a good idea if you make an appointment too" she said shyly, holding his hand while he drove.

"If she thinks it will help" he smiled back, not knowing he was about to enter a war zone.

She was a very calm woman, Dr Shane, she smiled and Will relaxed a little in the chair, thinking that under different circumstances they would be good friends.

"Thank you for coming today Will" she said evenly, placing a notebook in her lap.

"No problem, Emma and I are willing to do whatever we can to beat this". He saw the psychiatrist wince, but chose stupidly to ignore it.

"This is a very delicate situation, and I want you to know that I've taken a lot of time to think over what I'm about to say. I've spoken to several colleagues and we all agree on a particular course of action for Emma"

Will gulped, hearing his heartbeat in his ears.

"As you know, Emma is experiencing some night terrors which are a manifestation of anxiety she's unable to express other ways. And, as you also know, you, being a key figure in her life, feature heavily in these nightmares"

He was following her so far, but felt his own anxiety rising as she stumbled to find words.

"Emma is too dependent on you Will. It's not your fault of course, but your romantic relationship coincided too closely with her treatment-"

"But she's getting better… with the OCD and…"

"Yes, but it also means that she's so terrified of losing you, at least subconsciously, that she can't continue making progress until she can separate therapy and her romantic relationship with you".

"So, what does that mean?"

"You need to lessen your impact on Emma's life, in a drastic way. At least until she can learn to manage her anxiety disorder without your help."

"You're saying we can't live together?... Or be intimate?"

"Ideally it would be best if you kept your contact with her at a minimum until she's made substantially more progress".

Will sat, in his head he was blustering for an argument or a loophole around this ludicrous idea that was frighten beginning to make sense.

"What if it doesn't work? What if we can't stay apart?"

"I can't say for sure, but Will, Emma's anxiety episodes are increasing rapidly and if it were to continue at this rate, I wouldn't be beyond recommending Emma go into a fulltime care facility".

"She's not going into an asylum! She's not crazy!" he spat defensively and then immediately apologized. "I'm sorry, this is a lot to take in".

"I know, and I'm very sorry. If I can offer you some advice? Your discussions with Emma are going to have to be quite firm, and her dependence means that you're going to have to instigate the change in the relationship".

He went straight home. He considered stopping to pick up dumplings from her favourite take out place, but kept driving. He wanted to stop off and buy a bottle of wine, sip it with her on the sofa and spend one final night holding her through the midnight battle with her mind that he had caused. Still, he pulled into the parking space and headed up the stairs. If it was done quick, then maybe it would be painless, for her at least.

Her feet were tucked under her body when she looked up from the local news bulletin, smiling, moving her hair behind her ear and breaking his heart all at the same time.

"We need to talk", he said, shifting his eyes away and switching off the TV.

"Sit down Will, you're making me nervous", but not nervous enough to make the content smile fade from her lips. He sat down next to her, granting her one last wish.

"I don't think we… should be together anymore"

She watched him soberly, waiting for more. "I can't be with you anymore".

She didn't say anything, she just pursed her lips and Will watched as his words, slowly but surely, waved over her.

"If you want me to move out, I will-"

At last, a reaction.

"Will, what are you saying? Did something happen?" he shook his head, remember Doctor Shane's advice.

"You need to talk to me, if there is a problem, if I did something-"

"I don't want to be with you anymore" he said loudly because it hurt sitting in his throat.

"So the last six months, what was that? Was that you not wanting to be with me too?" she stood, ready for battle.

"Em, I really don't want to fight about this-"

"Well that's too bad!"

"What do you want me to say Emma? That I don't love you anymore? Fine. I'll say it. I'll say whatever you want, but we're over!"

Oh God! She was crying, he couldn't look, but he couldn't not. She was so hurt and confused and her hands were trembling. He needed a reason, a lie to make it all easier for her to swallow, anything to push her away faster.

"I can't handle all the OCD and the… panic, I didn't sign up for all this. I can't do it anymore, so unless you can magically fix yourself, I think it's best for both of us if we…. See other people."

Will played that night out in his mind until it got muddled in frustration and regret. He can't remember Emma leaving, or coming back the next day with a moving van to collect her things.

He did remember, quite vividly, seeing the stranger sitting behind her desk on Monday and hearing the gossip mill swirl. He could still feel Shannon's hand on his shoulder, telling him she'd taken a job in a youth centre in London, one of those yearlong teacher exchange programs. He remembered the way his mouth went dry.

Shannon beeped the horn as he straightened his tie and run gel through his hair for the first time in months, wishing it was all just a dream.


	2. Chapter 2

All the reviews and viewings of the first chapter made me so happy. This multi-chapter thing is new for me, so I really appreciate any tips and feedback. Thanks again!

She smiled. She leaned into conversation with everyone, she laughed. She put a hand on Beiste's arm and nodded at something. That substitute teacher who wore too much cologne put his hand on her shoulder.

Will inhaled.

The faculty lounge was crowded with good natured banter and a chorus of welcoming. He felt the glances of intrigued colleagues at his back, they knew the story, or at least some of it. He had after all, fallen in love with her in this room, encouraged and comforted her all within these walls.

He stared ahead at the whiteboard where Figgin's would surely call their attention soon. Occasionally Sue's sporadic insults caught his eyes and ears, and he had nodded a greeting to the history teacher whose name he couldn't remember, but he was determined not to see her. He tried not to see the way her orange dress rode up her leg a little when she hugged Shannon and then patted her back with a tenderness that he used to know. He ignored the lack of freckles on her nose and then hoped silently that the London weather had been good to her because she was never fond of the cold. He held his breath when she looked his way, even out of the corner of his eye he could see that same flicker of confusion and pain that he'd caused a year ago.

"Alright. Thank you all for coming in today. Let's try and keep this short so we can get back to the last days of our summer vacation" Figgins spoke at last. "Firstly I'd like to welcome back our Guidance Councillor, Emma Pillsbury", Emma straightened in her chair, grinning politely at the mention.

"As of Monday, Emma will also be running an after school counselling service for freshmen in the choir room, should any of your students need the support"

"….The choir room?" he'd forgotten how soft her voice could be and still manage capture the whole room. Will could see her hands working with her words to explain the question. "…Well, I'm hoping to run these programs daily if it's really going to help the kids and… isn't there another place we can… I mean, don't the Glee Club use the choir room some days after school?".

Will's limbs felt heavy.

"You have nothing to worry about Ella" Sue patronised, "the Glee Club fell to pieces last year after some of the parents complained that Schuester's dismal, depressive attitude was giving the children kooties-"

"Sue!" Figgins berated. Will wanted to sink into a hole. "We were unable to find a member of the faculty willing to direct the Glee Club, and unless anyone would like to volunteer, Ms. Pillsbury, you will have full use of the choir room until further notice".

"…I see…" Emma said, readjusting her cardigan clip as Sue announced she was running for president of the PTA and Will closed his eyes and hunched over some more.

Back at home he let the local news hum in the background of his thoughts. Long daydreams of Emma at Christmas in that red sweater with the flowers, she suffers through a sip of eggnog and wrinkles up her nose and in the morning he'll give her perfume or expensive gloves for the cold and maybe one year soon, a ring.

He shook his head when he imagined the feel of her skin. That happened sometimes after a beer or two, the dreams got too real. They became memories that never happened and Will came out of them aching more than before. He poured a glass of water. If nothing else he had to remain sain, keep the truth from the lies, at least in his own head, because without that he was just the fool who broke Emma's heart.

Beiste knocked at the door and he shuffled to answer it with gratitude. Maybe for the first time she would understand his situation. She'd noticed the way Emma had looked at him coldly, like a not so curious stranger, not like before.

"You want a beer-"

"It's late, but I'm on London time and you need to hear this"

With her fists by her side, Emma stood unrelentingly in his doorway. Will blinked and then took her in. The orange dress, the baited stare, his worst fears and biggest wishes right there in front of him. His head hazed with beer.

"I'll let myself in then" she brushed past him and kept walking though the hallway until he had no choice but to close the door and face her.

"Emma" Will mumbled, because lately he had been mumbling everything.

"You need to run Glee Club" her arms were crossed now, her voice was firm.

"I don't do that anymore"

"Why not?" she demanded, her volume rising slightly with the color in her face.

"It just… doesn't interest me anymore". It wasn't really a lie, he wasn't interested in motivating the kids anymore, dealing with their dramas and fighting endlessly with Sue and Figgins. He didn't have the energy.

She huffed and rolled her eyes. Obviously bemused. "You know Will, you can give up on a lot of people… and you'll probably always get away with it, but you do not get to give up on those kids. The Glee Club is important to them, even you know that!" Emma yelled.

"It's been a rough year okay? Trust me, the kids are doing much better without my help" he offered defensively.

"So that's it? It's too hard to you don't bother trying? Tell me Will, what could possibly be so bad that it stops you from doing what you love?" she stood closer to him, pointing accusations at his chest.

"Why do you care?" he spat back in exclamation.

She almost chocked she was yelling with such force. "Because you don't seem to care about anything at all! Not the kids, not …. Your friends, and certainly not yourself. Look at you! Care Will! You have to care about something!" her face was red and angry.

Will grabbed her with his lips and his hands, pushing her back against wall, because he did care, all too much. He kissed her with force like never before, putting a hand on her neck, claiming it. She waged her counter attack, pulling his body onto hers with both greedy hands.

He paused. His stubble was surely giving her a raw rash. "We can't do this" he groaned, kissing that spot on her neck.

"It's a bad idea" she sighed back, hitching her legs around his waste.

"We're over…" he groped whatever his hands found.

"I don't need you…" she dug her fingers into his curls.

She fought to lift his shirt over his head as he carried her to the bedroom, laying her down underneath him. Will wanted to go slowly, gently and carefully unzipping the dress, honouring every curve. Still she assaulted him, tearing clothes quickly and moaning with exertion.

It was a heated dance. When she dug her nails into his back, scraping his skin and bucking against him, he realised that while he was making love and giving into a forbidden fantasy he would only regret, she was hating him.

He thrust into her again and again, each time harder, primal, giving her the anger that she craved until she cried out in pain or pleasure, he didn't know which.

Will felt her heart racing against his chest as they gathered their breath. Releasing her, he did the only thing he knew. Will played his part, rolling onto his side, he watched her do the same. As if it were a game they were going to play one last time, Will wrapped his body protectively around his lover's with a strong arm around her torso and without a word or a dream, they slept.

The door slammed the next morning, but Will was already awake. He'd felt her shake his arm off with disgust, squinted as she'd frantically pieced together her clothing from the scatter of the floor and pretended to snore when she didn't look back, leaving the apartment that was once her home.


	3. Chapter 3

I wish there was a better word for thank you. Even the shortest reviews actually make me smile and have turned me into one of those people that compulsively check their email. Here is some more, I'm not sure how long this story will be. I'm planning on writing until people stop reading. X

Will spent Sunday counting his bruises and studying the gold heart shaped earring he'd found under his pillow that used to be hers.

It wasn't like Emma to be so careless with her belongings, but then maybe he didn't know her anymore, he hoped he didn't. He let her go so she could change and be better without him, but he loved her still. He'd loved the way she still cared about the kids, the way she laughed along with Shannon's anecdote, the way she'd thrown her head back against the mattress and held onto him.

On Monday he did his best to shake off the guilt of indulging in her and walked down the corridor in a clean shirt and a freshly shaven face. He had a plan. He'd give back the earring that she'd probably been fretting over, she'd accept it with that cold look in her eyes and he'd leave her alone until she blended in with all the other nameless colleagues he hadn't cared to remember lately. It couldn't be that hard.

She was sitting neatly behind her desk in a purple blouse with a high neck. Was she covering up her bruises too?

"Hi" he said dropping the earring on her desk. He didn't knock or smile.

"Thank you" she said so perfectly, with such care. She held his gaze and suddenly he had to give her something in return. An apology or explanation.

"About Saturday, I was out of line-"

"It was a stupid mistake…" she dismissed his concern, picking up the earring and treasuring it with her fingers.

"I know that you're angry with me and I want you to know that I'm not going to get in the way of your job" he offered, keeping his hand in his pockets.

She nodded, but then stopped herself, as if changing her mind impulsively.

"I was angry at you, for a long time. But you know what? I'm glad that you were honest. Once I started therapy again, in London, I realised that I'm a lot to handle, I have a lot of problems and it's not fair to drag other people into that. It's a good thing that things ended between us before they got serious".

They both knew it was serious.

"I just…. Want to know that you're happy"

"I'm happy, you don't need to feel guilty. It never would have worked out anyway", she gave a little smile, one he understood. It was the smile she made before she surrendered to tears. When she was nervous or scared, or heart broken.

He looked away and turned on his feet. Maybe if he left her alone she'd start believing her own lie.

Two hours later, he was ridding the faculty pantry of stale cookie crumbs and empty soda cans, fulfilling a promise he made to Figgins, when Shannon stormed into the otherwise vacant lounge, fighting for his full attention

"What the hell did you do?"

"Save it Shannon, I'm not changing my mind" he murmured crunching a can with his hand and hurling it carelessly at the trashcan.

"You can't just pack up and leave Schuester!" He could. He'd handed his resignation to Figgin's at lunch. Emma was happy and he couldn't trust himself not to interfere. He'd already walked past her office six times just to see her turn her head in sympathy and nod along with the distressed new students.

"Look Shannon, you're an amazing friend and I know I've been a horrible person lately, but trust me, leaving here is the right thing to do". He tried to say it considerately.

"I don't trust you," she denounced

"What?"

Beiste exhaled in frustration. "You make crappy decisions Schuester! You and Emma made each other so stupidly happy and for whatever dumb reason you let her run half way across the world, and now she's back you're going to jump ship even though you've spent the last year hating yourself!"

"…You can't understand…" it felt wrong to be so harsh, but it was the truth. As involved as Shannon was in his life, she didn't know the reasons for his sleepless nights and lonely weekends.

"Then sit down here and tell me. You owe me that." So he wiped his hands clean and sat across the table from his loyal friend with those caring eyes that had been endlessly forgiving.

"You love her, don't you?" she began softly, when he wouldn't.

Will nodded.

"Emma still cares about you, she wouldn't be here if she didn't"

"She hates me. I… " He dismissed and then paused carefully before explaining what he'd never said aloud. "Emma was having some … issues with anxiety when we were together. Man, I was so worried about her. That mind of hers is so amazing and powerful and I think sometimes it just gets the best of her…." He felt a surge of heat through his veins.

"I went to her Therapist, we thought there might be something I could do to help. I used to do little things, I knew how to hold her and calm her down… but she needed more. The Therapist said that Emma couldn't get better…. with me…. That I was making it so much harder… if I stayed with her, she might have been institutionalised, Shannon". The thought frightened him like it had all those months ago. There was nothing about Emma that should be locked away.

"Oh Will"

"So I went home and I broke it off…. God, she was so…. Shocked and I just kept thinking that it had to be a dream and one day I'd wake up and she'd not be in England without me"

"She is here Will, now"

"But I broke her heart!"

"Tell her the truth" Beiste countered with care.

"She's happy without me. And she's going to find someone else that she can love and that doesn't cause her more problems…. And I can't stay here, in this school everyday and watch it happen. I'm not strong enough for that" his head was in his hands, the heels of his palms pressing against his eye socket, as if the pressure would bring a solution.

"Don't go", she had the forms of a student transfer in one hand and used the other to grip the doorframe. Shannon and Will were startled when Emma spoke, but it was nothing compared to the alarm in her big dark eyes.

"It's too late" Will didn't know how much of his admission she had heard, but it didn't matter. He'd made up his mind with the fiercest determination.

"Do you still have feelings for me Will?" she took a step into the room.

"That's not the point-" he began.

"You used to love me, I know it. You used to reach for me in your sleep, without even knowing it", Shannon looked away, knowing she was in the center of the most intimate conversation.

"It doesn't matter anymore" he tried in vein to persuade her.

"Say you don't love me anymore, and I'll let you walk out of here. But if there is the smallest chance, you need to tell me Will. I've spent a year in another country trying to get over you, and it hurt…"

"Don't cry…" he begged, but it was too late. It was a gentle, unassuming sob but it was enough to make Will stand and move towards her. "Everything will be okay. You'll see, but I have to leave-"

"You can't-"

"Yes. I can. Emma, you deserve so much more than me. You'll find someone who doesn't burn your toast every single morning" he put his hands on her shoulders and whispered, "someone who won't keep you up all night with a thousand stupid questions".

She used to groan in and out of consciousness, burying her face in the pillow.

"Em?" he was call from an arms length away at 3 am, with shadows casting over them.

"hmmm"

"Are you awake?"

"No"

"I can't sleep"

"Try harder"

He'd run a finger ever so lightly down the length of her nose until her eyes involuntarily flickered open. He'd smile. She'd put a heavy hand on his chest, too sleepy to be really angry.

"Let's go to Mexico together"

"Not now"

"No, but you'd go to Mexico with me right?"

"Sure" she'd sigh

"Promise?"

"Ah-huh"

"Love you"

"….Time to sleep Will…. Love you too".

He let go of her, physically shaking the memory from his mind, he stooped out of the room, avoiding Emma's question and Shannon's stare. He was good at avoidance.


	4. Chapter 4

Will half expected her to be waiting at his front door when he arrived home, feeling drained and heavy at the same time.

It was the Guidance Councillor instinct, all Emma needed was the tiniest hint of trouble or angst, and she would move mountains to fix it.

But she wasn't there. Will let out a breath in relief.

Maybe she hadn't overheard all his choked confession after all, or maybe she'd seen the sense in his plea for separation.

He sucked in another breath. Either way, it was a good thing.

Will sighed and fought with the key in the lock, like be fought with everything. In his mind he could picture the night ahead. He'd pace around the living room for an hour or so, gulping and rationalising his every action of the day. He was right to quit his job, even though Figgins insisted on giving him prolonged leave. He was right to walk past the juniors in the hall, listen to their sporadic song and dance routine and not offer one piece of guidance or advice. It was the right thing to shrug of Shannon's help even though she was the only person who cared to give it, and it was especially right that he killed Emma's hopes.

Emma had hopes. He threw his briefcase across the room and groaned, sinking onto the sofa; refusing to move with all the resolve he had left.

Bieste didn't come knocking to drag him to the gym the next morning. She must be on Emma's side, he thought fleetingly, before sitting himself up straighter and berating himself. They were all on Emma's side.

Outside the window, the sun was shining, mocking his mood. He watched on with a squint as the postman, not so gently stuffed a thick envelope into the slot, tearing the edges a little.

Will grimaced. They were probably the official resignation papers from McKinley. Everything was a process with Figgins; you couldn't even quit without signing your name on the dotted line.

The handwriting was unmistakably Emma's though, tiny and curvy and even, postmarked from yesterday. At the coffee table he opened it with a belly full of butterflies, not allowing himself to conjure up theories of what she might be sending him, or what it could mean.

Six envelopes fell from the bigger one, and a loose note. She used to love leaving notes. "Emails are just so… cold" she would assert, explaining the neatly folded letter in his lunch box, on the fridge and atop his desk.

_I'll be home late. Please wait up!_

_Rachel is looking for you, she's not happy._

_I love you._

And in the same felt tip pen that he knew she kept in the right side drawer of her desk, she wrote to him now.

_I should have sent these to you when I wrote them. Please read them Will. _

He could imagine her looking up, begging.

With care, Will peeled open a crisp white envelope with an English postal stamp, bracing himself before reading.

_July 25, 2011._

_Can you please forward all of my important mail to the address on the envelope?_

_PS. A package should arrive soon. It's a birthday gift I bought for you last month; you're welcome to it._

If the date was correct, while she was writing this, he was wrestling with a UPS box covered in too much tape. In it, without an explanation, was a vinyl of Bob Dylan's "Together Through Life".

He cried for the first time since she left that night, alone, in the dark, without music.

He rubbed his face and picked up the next, almost identical paper parcel.

_September 18, 2011._

_Will, _

_I hope you're well. I'm sorry for bringing you into my problems, I was selfish. Please let me know how you're doing. _

_Your friend always, _

_Emma._

Will laid the note out flat on the table, closed his eyes and prepared himself mentally for the next chapter in the story, she was obviously showing him.

_December 21, 2011._

_Will, _

_It's beautiful here with the snow. _

_I'm in London, did you know that?_

_Merry Christmas Will. I hope all your dreams come true._

_Emma._

_PS. Send my love to your parents. _

A tear fell down his cheek. His breathing hitched.

_February 13, 2012._

_Dear Will, _

_I'm writing to you from a treatment center. It's part of my new years resolution to take responsibility. _

_Part of therapy is to write to those who we feel have wronged us and I picked you. _

_We are supposed to be writing down the affect of these people on our conditionsm but I just can't seem to blame you. _

_The therapists here say I should affirm everything you did that made me anxious or angry. _

_You left wet towels on the floor._

_You always laugh at everyone's jokes, even when they're not funny. Even when they're awful or mean._

_You never talked about money._

_But truth is Will, that you hurt me because I let you and I'm not that sorry._

_I know this letter is confusing, but like I said, it's meant to be therapy._

_Emma._

Will palmed his stomach, feeling uneasy.

_May 18, 2012._

_Will, I miss you. I love you. Emma._

The remaining envelope was blank and less inviting, the print was sterile and firm.

I, Dr. Kathleen Shane (B. Med, B. Sci PhD.), certify that patient Pillsbury, Emma S. is of a sound mental state after satisfactorily completing a treatment program for the following condition(s);

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Mysophobia

It was all laid out in front of him. Since the first day he met her, struggling with a box of books and Purell in the parking lot, he had wanted to get inside her mind, to know her thoughts, to protect and admire her. But now that it was here, he had no idea what to do with them.

He pulled out his cell to call Shannon and then remember that the world had gone on without him. She'd be at McKinley, working as he should have been.

A knock at the door. His heart raced in his feet followed, and when he opened the door, Emma stood in a yellow sundress and waited for him to speak.

"You're back" he stated dumbly, but honestly. She was back, at his door and in his life.

"Shannon told me everything", as she spoke her composure fell, her face got redder and her posture shrunk. He reached out to touch her arm when it shook with her small sob. She jerked away, and walked past him into the apartment, just as she had a few days earlier.

She led herself and him to the living room, where her careful notes sat on the table.

"I just finished reading, I'm sorry-" he began, not sure what he was going to apologize for first.

"I don't think you are" she cut him off with a voice that was crisply quiet. He stared in confusion. "You don't get it, Will. You always put me first. You never let me pay for anything, you walk around on eggshells trying to keep me calm. Dr Shane tells you to back off and you do it without even batting an eyelid!"

"You were waking up in tears every night. What was I supposed to do?" he asked the genuine question.

"You should have stopped for minute and thought about yourself. Did you know that Shannon used to call me and tell me that you never went out anymore, that you stopped visiting the kids at the hospital? Do you know how powerless that made me feel? It drove me mad, Will! I couldn't breathe sometimes!"

"Emma-"

"And then I find that you've given up Glee. You gave up everything, because you thought you knew what was best for me! Will, you're the reason I get up in the morning. Looking after you, and loving you is what's best for me, and you took that away from me!"

"Stop-" he asked, knowing it was useless.

"No! Thank God for Shannon, because if it wasn't for her, I would have given up and spent the rest of my life thinking that you didn't want me anymore. That would have killed me Will, quicker than any anxiety disorder. So, I'm angry with you. I'm going to be angry for a long time, and while I'm figuring out how to not be mad at you, you're going to wipe that sorry look of your face and at least pretend like you love being alive because I love you Will. I want you. And you want me, or you wouldn't be playing all these stupid games. So if you really want to do what's best for me, you will let me care about you!"

The distance had closed between them, her chest was heaving, but she took a step back after her rant, careful not to touch him.

Will opened his mouth, but swallowed the apology that was automatically spilling from his mouth.

"You're right" he said simply, wiping her tear with his thumb, smiling his thanks when she let him.

Emma surprised him then, finding his hand in hers and pulling him to the couch, where they sat with arms and shoulders touching, fingers laying still and intertwined.

"Talk to me" she said plainly, with an air of expectation.

"I missed you…" she raised a finger to his lips and shook her head, silencing him before he could continue.

"No, not about me…. I want to hear about your year…" she implored, guiding his head to rest on her shoulder as his free arm draped around her abdomen, feeling the rise and fall of her breathing.

"… I spent a day last summer helping Finn move his stuff into a dorm at Ohio State" he offered.

"…You did?" he felt the vibrations of her voice against his cheek.

"….I couldn't move for a week after all the heavy lifting" she chuckled, just a bit and ran a finger over his ear. He kept talking all day, about Sue's attempts to expel every curling haired student and about the time he bought two tickets to a Lady Gaga concert in Columbus, but felt to embarrassed to go.

He didn't say he loved her, she'd known that all along.

_AN: This chapter didn't turn out the way I planned it in my head, but it's a story none-the-less. I'm not sure if I should leave it here or continue on. I have ideas but I might be more inclined to put them into a new story. Advice is appreciated. _

_As always thanks so much for taking the time to read and especially review. You are all so appreciated._


	5. Chapter 5

_Dedicated to Norway, my homeland, whose heart is broken, but who will learn to trust and love and respect all over again._

They were so quiet and wide-eyed, sitting stifly in a row. Emma wanted to reach out and hug them one by one. Instead she told them, all eight of them, that everyday would get a little bit easier, that starting high school was hard, that being a freshman was one of life's great challenges.

"I'm here for you whenever you need it. You all know where my office is, and I'm going to continue these meetings after school for as long as you need them", she assured.

A girl with a blonde ponytail that didn't look older than 10, raised her hand and the group let her speak. This group had comradeship, they were the new students who found adjusting especially terrifying, they'd been brought to the choir room, one by one, by concerned teachers and sometimes parents, and now at last they were finding solace in each other.

"Is Mr Schuester going to be here from now on?" her beady eyes switched from Emma's lime green pencil skirt to the buttons on Will's shirt, as he stood barely an arms length away.

Emma grinned, she couldn't help herself. She loved working with Will, being in the same room with him. It was fascinating to watch him with the kids, but mostly she loved the way he put his eyes on her and sometimes brushed a sneaky arm against her back, like a forbidden love letter.

"Unfortunately not guys" he gave them a sincere half smile and Emma's chest soared on the inside, wanting him still more. "I'm just here today to talk to you about a club that I'm going to be starting up very soon. Does anyone know what a Glee Club is?"

He spent the next twenty minutes fielding their questions while Emma sat inline with the students and watch on, offering supportive nods to him and them when she felt it necessary.

Emma felt his eyes on her as she stood in the doorway, soothing the anxious woes and last minute concerns. Will sat at the piano, straddling the seat, touching the keys effortlessly with one hand but his body was fixed in her direction. Gosh, he looked sexy, even out of the corner of her eye.

"That went well" he offered, shifting his leg and motioning for her to sit beside him as the last remaining student disappeared from her sightline. She nodded because as silly as it was, sometimes Emma became overwhelmed by his presence in her life. He was hers undeniably, with his infuriating stubbornness and messy kitchen habits, but sometimes, in these moments, it was hard to grasp how lucky she was to have him, to have kept him.

"Are you alright?" he asked when she didn't reply. "Those kids, they're all going to be fine. In the month they'll probably be ruling this place".

"You're amazing", she said simply, ignoring his soothing and leaning her arm against his, and he played slow, heavy scales until the sound was even and calming, in time with their breathing.

A month ago, after all the lies and fears had subsided, he'd handed her a cup of tea and gripped her knee with his hand, studying it, remembering it and working up his nerves.

"I think we should take things slow. I want to do this right", he never lifted his eyes from her leg. Emma nodded anyway.

They tried. She knocked on the door, he cooked her dinner and lit candles, told her she was beautiful and then begged her to believe it. But when it came time for her to leave, he stood in her way, spooked by the thought.

"Stay"

"I might never leave"

"Okay"

Just like that, they stopped going slow.

It wasn't their old life though, when everything was new and his eagerness to love her literally kept them up at night. She still worried about him, she watched his heart get caught in his throat when he asked Figgins for his job back and she calmed his nerves with a squeeze of his hand, before he marched in and challenged Sue for potential Glee club funding.

Yes, Emma worried. A week later, when her body gave her signals that something had changed, she became quietly concerned.

When she found the reason, Emma felt guilty, remembering that heated night when it was still just his apartment, when she had wage war on Will and used his body up as if it were disposable.

She'd always loved to touch and feel him. It had been surprising for both of them when she had laid underneath him, years ago, still new to how their bodies could work together, and shook her head.

"Don't go"

"Let me just put it on"

"No, I want to feel you"

"…Em…"

"It's okay, I'm on the pill"

"You sure?"

"Yes… now"

So offcourse that fateful night there had been no protection for their bodies, or their hearts. She had gone off birth control in London, not wanting to be reminded of the intimacy that was no longer.

Emma's hand had quivered when she held the test.

She went to their home that night, but her heavy head subsided as soon as she saw him wrapped around his guitar in just a pair of sweatpants. She had Will and everything would be okay.

She didn't have a chance to tell him then, between his tempered kisses running down her neck and him moving them effortlessly to every room, making her sigh and growl and scream in pleasure.

She would tell him now, so the secret could be theirs to own, not hers to hide.

"Let's go home", he said, abruptly silencing the music and breaking her thoughts.

"Not yet. I told Shannon we'd meet her here"

"Is she coming over tonight? I thought she had a date?"

"No, she does. I just wanted her to be the second person to know, or I guess… the third because I know. There is a baby, we're going to have a baby". She'd wanted to make it romantic, but then she needed him to know now, he deserved to be part of it all.

"Us?" his mouth hung open when he looked at her, like a wondrous child.

She nodded, feeling her eyes go wide.

"It's happening…. Now?" Emma watched his smile grow, then his arms reached for her, enveloping her like she knew they would.

She felt his kiss on her hair.

"It's happening" she couldn't resist smiling against his chest.

Shannon stood deafly still at the entrance of the choir room, watching her friends locked in their world, the one they'd been in, sometimes reluctantly, since she first met them.

Will whispered something lowly and Emma's face glowed as she so delicately danced her fingers against the back pocket of his jeans.

Beiste sighed in satisfaction, relieved that at last they both knew the secret that she had realised a two weeks ago when Emma walked into the faculty room obviously queasy in a way that should have made her terrified, but instead she had regaled Shannon with tales of her weekend picnic, laughed until Will had snuck up behind them.

She had watched as the couple fell into each other's touches, absently monitoring every breath and movement. Shannon knew then, there was already something growing out of these moments, they were too real, to animalistic.

Will spotted her, smiled flicked his wrist, motioning for her to join them at the piano.

She did, silently thankful that the new little human would be part of the their private little world too, where nothing else would ever matter.

_AN: I super-duper appreciated all the advise on whether to end this, so a billion thank yous to everyone who put their two cents in. Apologies for the typos, it was a little rushed. _


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